In my opinion and experience, the root cause of communication conflicts in marriage is due to a decreased feeling of connection between the two partners.
And that cannot be improved by simply talking about it.
Behaviors have to change in order for the feelings of connection to improve.
Because many of our behaviors are habitual, we often find ourselves in an exchange with our partner that isn’t helpful to the feelings of being connected with them.
In any human interaction, you are doing one of these 3 things:
- You are Diminishing the interaction,
- Supporting the interaction,
- Or Elevating the interaction.
You may want to consider that for a moment.
I’ve certainly been guilty in the past of diminishing the interaction with my wife and causing an escalation in our disagreement.
How do you relate this to your own interactions with your partner when arguments or misunderstandings happen?
In what category do you find yourself most often?
You might say that you are simply reacting to what they said or did. While this might be true, you also have other choices.
- You can react and escalate… which often happens….
- You can stay calm, cool and collected, and listen…
- You can apologize and soften your tone, even possibly reassuring your partner of your love, support, their value in your life, etc…
This simple understanding was transformational in my own marriage.
If you have read The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle, you understand some of the things I personally did that directly relate to these 3 choices.
If you’d like my thoughts on how to improve your situation, simply reach out here.
Remember, what you do and fail to do is always reflected in the outcome of your marriage.