Answers to Couple Communication Questions

How do we improve our Couple Communication?

That’s the most common question I get.

I struggled with this myself early on in my marriage; blaming my wife mostly for the many misunderstandings and disagreements.

What I didn’t know at the time was that it wasn’t our ability to talk with each other or to understand each other that was the problem.

I simply didn’t understand my role in my interactions with her.

That was a big problem.

If you’ve read my book The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle you know that I am not a fan of working on couple communication with the partners. In my experience and opinion, it’s a waste of time.

I believe that communication conflicts are a symptom of a larger issue in the relationship.

What is needed is restoring the feelings of being connected.

This FEELING is what diminishes communication conflicts. This feeling is what allows couples to be able to understand each other clearly. This feeling is what facilitates the resolution of other challenges in the relationship.

I facilitate this by teaching people what to do in their roles of masculine and feminine to restore and sustain the feelings of connection with each other. You might call this chemistry or feelings of being in love.

When this feeling doesn’t exist, neither does the feeling of being deeply cared for.

You already know what happens when you don’t feel deeply cared for.

You cannot talk your way back into restoring feelings of connection.

You can only do that by changing behaviors.

And if you don’t understand your role within masculine and feminine in building connection, you will struggle to improve couple communication, and fail to improve the marriage.

Talk with me.  Reach out to connect with me if you’d like to learn how to improve your marriage.

 

What you do and fail to do is always reflected in the outcome of your marriage.

3 Choices in Couple Communication

In my opinion and experience, the root cause of communication conflicts in marriage is due to a decreased feeling of connection between the two partners.

And that cannot be improved by simply talking about it.

Behaviors have to change in order for the feelings of connection to improve.

Because many of our behaviors are habitual, we often find ourselves in an exchange with our partner that isn’t helpful to the feelings of being connected with them.

In any human interaction, you are doing one of these 3 things:

  • You are Diminishing the interaction,
  • Supporting the interaction,
  • Or Elevating the interaction.

You may want to consider that for a moment.

I’ve certainly been guilty in the past of diminishing the interaction with my wife and causing an escalation  in our disagreement.

How do you relate this to your own interactions with your partner when arguments or misunderstandings happen?

In what category do you find yourself most often?

You might say that you are simply reacting to what they said or did. While this might be true, you also have other choices.

  • You can react and escalate… which often happens….
  • You can stay calm, cool and collected, and listen…
  • You can apologize and soften your tone, even possibly reassuring your partner of your love, support, their value in your life, etc…

This simple understanding was transformational in my own marriage.

If you have read The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle, you understand some of the things I personally did that directly relate to these 3 choices.

If you’d like my thoughts on how to improve your situation, simply reach out here.

 

Remember, what you do and fail to do is always reflected in the outcome of your marriage.  

Why Love Can Be So Disappointing and What to Do

Why Love Can Be So Disappointing and What to Do

You probably already know the statistics:
– One person in every 3 couples is having an affair.
– US divorce rates hovering around 50%.
– 63% of second marriages and 72% of all third marriages fail.
These numbers don’t tell the real story of the couples who are simply
hanging out together unhappily.

Here’s the truth:

Love is the greatest Unmet Need

What people get from their partners is not what they really want.
It’s most often less than that.

Love is the greatest Unmet Expectation in marriage.

I expect you to love me this way…
It doesn’t happen.

Only one thing changes that;
A partner who is willing, and chooses to learn how to love you your way.

And that will not last unless you are also willing to choose to learn
how to love them the way they want you to.

That’s what I help people do.

That’s how unhappy marriages of 20 years can be transformed so quickly
that people can’t believe it.

I’ve helped hundreds of couples on the edge of divorce save their marriages.
And it is much easier than people think.

Are you willing to learn how your partner wants you to love them?
Are you willing to learn what deep caring looks like to them?

There is no greater gift to any marriage than the couple choosing
to give love to each other in alignment with what each partner wants.

There is nothing more fulfilling.

If you want that in your life, I can help you. Your partner has to want it too.

Let’s talk. Schedule a Rising Love Strategy Session with me here.

Are you ready to love?

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Why Disappointment Helps Marriage Self-Destruct

Are you still “In Love” with your spouse?

In my private client work, I often see couples who are completely disconnected from each other.

There is no doubt that they have fallen out of love.

It wasn’t intentional.

Neither of them woke up one day and decided to fall out of love with the other.

It just happens.

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