Healing Your Emotional Life for Good

First some background.

Everything you’ve seen, felt, and experienced has been stored away in your mind.

Even the things you didn’t want to see and hear are recorded in the background of your unconscious mind.

Besides the obvious events, this is how things get in:

Whatever you do, don’t think about the blue giraffe with the pink bow. Don’t think about that blue giraffe and pink bow. Try harder not to think about the blue giraffe and pink bow.  

In order to understand this thought, your brain has to show you the image even if you don’t want to see it. That’s the way unpleasant experiences get recorded even when you want to forget them.

Everything that has ever happened to you in your life is archived and part of your programming.

As a result, we are all on auto-pilot more than we realize.

This is how habitual ways of thinking and feeling occur within us. When your buttons get pushed it’s usually more programming than the current thing that person said or did.

What you may not know is that you have the power to take control of your emotions, and to upgrade your own programming.

Think of it like this:

Imagine an enormous white board surrounding you, filled with everything that’s happened to you and everything you’ve ever heard and experienced.

Some examples:

That thing that happened to you in 1st grade, What your mom said when you were 9, That thing you did and got hurt, That person who said you weren’t good enough, The girl who rejected you, The boy who broke your heart, The emptiness you felt when….., That person who didn’t like you, That time you felt shame, That time your feelings were ignored, That big mistake you made, …etc.

That’s a tiny sample of your unconscious world and what drives your programming.

The only way to change your programming is to get in there and erase some of the nonsense on your white board.

It doesn’t happen by talking about the specific issues.

And it won’t happen by saying these types of things over and over to yourself:

“Don’t get angry, Don’t get sad, Don’t get upset, Don’t get frustrated, Don’t get anxious, Don’t feel guilty, Don’t compare yourself,” etc….

Here’s one way that will begin to wipe away the things that don’t serve you.

Start talking to your body, and telling parts of it that you love them.  

As the author of The Accelerated Healing of Chronic Illness, I have found these conversations to be highly effective in erasing disempowering unconscious programing. I’ve also done it with hundreds of people so I have good evidence to support this.

Here’s how you begin to heal your emotional life for good:

  1. Find someplace quiet where you won’t be interrupted for 5 minutes.
  2. Close your eyes, and scan your body from a place of curiosity, and just be aware of how you feel and what you notice. That will take less than 30 seconds.
  3. Tell your body and a variety of body parts that you love them. Simply tune into a particular body part and say,” I love you”, and feel grateful for that body part. Go slowly and take about 10 seconds for each body part before moving on.

It might look like this:

I tune into my heart. And I might even imagine an image of my heart, or simply focus on connecting  with my heart. I could put my hand over my heart to increase the feeling of connection as well.

Next, while feeling grateful for my heart, either out loud or to myself I say, ” I love you heart”,….and …“Thank you for all you do for me.”  I do that slowly and meaningfully, while feeling grateful for my heart.  That’s it.

  1. notice what happens… Are you aware of anything changing; either in how you feel, or in any imagined image of your heart before compared with after? Do feel differently in any way? There is no right or wrong about what happens, or doesn’t happen. Either way is perfectly fine.
  2. Next, pick another body part and do the same thing. Notice if you sense that some particular part of your body might benefit. Try different parts of your body out of curiosity. Try your liver, brain, eyes, nervous system, thyroid, spleen, lungs, etc….Keep going to different body parts for about 5 minutes and you are done.

Now that you’re done, scan your body again, and be curious how you feel overall, and if you feel or notice any other changes.

This is a profoundly powerful exercise. It was part of my self-heaiing process that allowed me to heal myself from eight years of undiagnosed chronic Lyme Disease. It works.

Try this out for yourself without expectations of any kind. Just be willing to see what happens for yourself.  Make it part of your daily routine by setting aside 5 minutes at about the same time every day,  or as often as you like.

You’ll be pleasantly surprised. Enjoy!

If you want to learn how to accelerate your own evolution, and release the hidden emotions driving your behaviors reach out here; jeff@peakresultscoaching.com

My 3 Biggest Marriage Mistakes, Are You Making Them Too?

When I first met my wife, the chemistry and connection was off the charts.

Then shortly after we were married, we began arguing more and more.  At times it seemed like we weren’t on the same page about anything.  I thought it was mostly her fault because she was just being stubborn and difficult.

Was I ever wrong…

I have made lots of mistakes in my marriage over the years, but it was these 3 things caused me the most trouble:

  1. Not making our connection the priority – It’s easy not to make your marriage a priority because of obligations, work responsibilities and simply not understanding how important that really is.

 And keeping the FEELING of connection with your spouse as a priority in the marriage is the most misunderstood and underestimated aspect of true marriage success.

 Early on in my marriage I wanted to be more right than my wife when we disagreed.  I also made myself out to be more important than her and the relationship;

What about me? What isn’t she doing for me? What’s wrong with her? What am I getting and not getting from her?  All of these things created disconnect. Anytime I was only focused on me, we became more separate.

 

  1. Not understanding what was needed from me. Because I was focused more on what I was or wasn’t getting, my willingness to give was sometimes based on feeling resentful or bitter. So when I felt that way I was giving very little. Of course that always made things worse.

 There were other times I wanted to defend myself or give her advice, when all she ever wanted me to do was listen.  I misunderstood that her emotions and tone directed at me were simply requests for me to give her more of my presence and attention.

Defending myself always made things worse.

 

  1. Not being clear about what I wanted. I originally thought that the marriage would be on auto-pilot, and that our relationship would always be good without giving it any more thought than just that.

 I had no vision for our marriage.  And because I wasn’t clear about what I wanted our life to be about together, and how I wanted to feel when I was with her, I often got caught up in the day to day stressor of the moment.

That kept us stuck in arguing about tiny insignificant things that I can’t even remember.

While I clearly remember our biggest escalating argument from many years ago, I have no idea what it was about. That’s a good indication that an argument that could have ended our marriage was about something small and unimportant.

What actually happens is that lots of little things get stacked on top of each other, and then that last thing is the straw that breaks the back of your connection.

When I finally got fed-up with being stressed out and unhappy was the moment that our marriage began to get better. I figured out how to our deep connection and chemistry back by fixing those 3 Mistakes. Now I help couples all over the world re-ignite their love and passion for each other.

Read my book The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle to learn more helpful strategies that you can implement right away.

Reflect on your marriage happiness for a moment.

Turn your thoughts inward and think about how deeply connected you FEEL with your spouse.  Is that good enough for you?

Now imagine that it never gets any better.

 

Is that the way you want to continue to live?

 

How many more days will you continue to allow your marriage to struggle? How is it ever going to stop? If you don’t take some corrective action you’ll inevitably regret it.

If you are fed up, and don’t want to spend another day walking on egg shells around your partner, talk with me.

I have helped hundreds of couples resolve their conflicts and bring deeply connected intimacy back into their marriages. And that is the real key to successful couple communication.

I work with couples in person and all over the world by Skype.

Visit http://www.90minutemarriagemiracle.com/ Sign up for your Free PEAK Relationship Consultation. You’ll get my direct input on your situation and how to repair it.

 

Your Success Becomes What You Believe

Do you believe in yourself enough?

Who sets the limits on what’s possible in your life?  What expert has the divine authority to tell you that you can’t do something?

Records were made to be broken.  Barriers were built to be torn down.  The impossible happens every day by someone who didn’t get the message that it wasn’t possible for them.  They didn’t hear the outside voices of influence, but listened to their own heart’s calling to do something great.

We were born for greatness.  We were born to allow our own uniqueness to shine in the world.  At some point did you let a moment of self doubt, or someone else’s doubt creep in and crush your dreams?

What we believe has incredible power over us.  It’s success and failure before we begin.  It builds the foundation for what we are willing to do, and it’s powerful beyond measure.

Imagine all the things that at one time were completely beyond our understanding of what’s possible. The US just tested an aircraft that flew 20x the speed of sound.  That’s New York to Los Angeles in less than 12 minutes.  Impossible?  I recently watched a 250 lb man do 1 fingered push ups live, not on video.  A small thing maybe, but an enormous, mind boggling thing at the same time.  Do not try that at home.  Have you ever seen what people are doing today on bikes and skateboards?  Are you aware of the fortunes being made by those who believe totally in what they are doing?  Have you watched records fall every four years in the Olympics? How is all that possible?

The fastest, strongest, biggest, best…Every record ever made will eventually be broken by someone who believes.  Who is to say what’s possible for you, other than you.  If you have a dream and a willingness to do whatever it takes to make it real, it can happen.

What do you believe about YOU?  What are YOU capable of achieving?

Do you believe that you are here for a purpose?

Do you believe that you have time to do what’s most important in your life?

Do you believe that you can be happy and not have stress in your life?

Do you believe that you can be a multimillionaire?

Do you believe that you can have an incredible, passionate, loving marriage that lasts?

If you are lacking something in your life, take a look at what you believe to be possible about it.  Are you limiting yourself by not believing in YOU enough?  Are you limiting yourself by not doing everything YOU can to make it happen?

Your future is up to you.  Not someone else.  Nothing from the past other than lessons learned, and experience gained, matters now.  What would it take for you to believe in yourself even more fully?  Success is not a matter of chance; it’s a matter of choice.  Choose to believe in your possibilities. Choose to do what you can to make it happen.

Your future is unlimited  If you are serious about going after your dreams and want some help, send an email to jeff@peakresultscoaching.com  I believe in you, and want you to know that you can do whatever you set your heart and mind to.  Someone recently told me that I helped make what they believed to be impossible possible.  Maybe I just believed in them a little more than they did.

Life Coaching…What’s It All About?

Do you need a Life Coach?

Let’s face it. Along the road of life, we all hit a speed bump or two. Sometimes we  need help navigating over or around them so they don’t stop us in our tracks. Fact is, most of us seek advice from time to time. Informally we may consult with a spouse, other family member, friends, even colleagues at work. But, when talking about business, relationships, or personal matters, answers can be elusive. Most people simply don’t know what works best for the difficult challenges we all face.  Sometimes it takes a professional whose expertise can bridge the gap between our struggle and real solutions.

That’s what life coaching is all about.

All life coaches are different based upon a combination of their personal life experience, coaching experience and training.  Those 3 factors make all the difference in their ability to help you create real results.

Our particular focus is on 3 Key areas that affect happiness and success:

1.  Beliefs- What do you believe about yourself and your potential for success and happiness.  What do you believe about your current life situation?  How do these beliefs affect your confidence and your ability to live the life you want?  What you believe to be true…is.  What you believe is the foundation of your success or failure before you being.   We evaluate whether your beliefs are serving you or not.

2.  Fears- Does fear hold you back in any area of your life?  Fear of failure…fear of success…fear of rejection…fear of not being good enough…fear of change…fears from the past…fear of the future?  People often have some level of fear that holds them back.  We address fears so  that people become free to pursue what they really want.

3.  Strategies- Are the strategies that you are using in your personal life, your work and in your relationships effective?  As an example, most people are using bad strategies in relationships, and it’s a recipe for stress and loss of attraction.  We look at strategies as either Beneficial or not… Helpful or not…Useful or not…Successful or not.  We teach proven strategies that can be implemented immediately.

A life coach can be a very valuable investment in the future that you want.  We believe that with the right help anything is possible.  We work with people at all levels to help them become happier, more successful, and enjoy their lives.

Do you want to overcome stress caused by work issues or rocky relationships at home? Do you have a desire to do something big but find yourself stuck? Is there something that affects your self confidence? Do you know you could do better at work, in social situations, even on the athletic field, but something is holding you back?

Here’s an interesting fact.  Most successful people use some type of coaching.  Imagine an Olympic or professional athlete deciding that they don’t need a coach and can do it all by themselves.  That’s a recipe for failure.  That’s why most CEO’s, successful business leaders, executives, and entrepreneurs use some form of coaching to take their lives, relationships, careers and business to the next level.  Why not you?

Our busy lives need outside guidance to help us become our best.  If you are interested in creating more outstanding results in your personal life, business or your relationships email us to jeff@peakresultscoaching.com   We have the expertise, experience, and perspective to help you create the life you want.  If results matter to you, we have the answers to the areas of life that matter the most.  The life you deserve is closer than you think. Now it’s time to get the help you need to make it happen.

No one is so perfect that they don’t need the guidance of others from time to time.–  Anon

 

 

Your Mindset for Success Matters

Listen to your heart, or someone else?

I imagine as a child, or even as a teen that you had dreams to do something big in your life.  Did you achieve those dreams, or did you get sidetracked by someone else’s reality.

My dream was to play major college football.  When I asked my high school coach to send a game film out to a top level school, he laughed out loud, and said that I couldn’t possibly play at that level of competition.  Having someone I respected laugh in my face wasn’t much fun.

Now I could have listened to him and done what he suggested, and given up on my dream.  But it was my dream.  Who was he to say that it wasn’t possible for me?

I remember telling my father I was going to become a financial advisor, and that the lowest paid financial advisor in the office was making more than $45,000 at the time, which was more than he was making.  He told me that was BS and that it wasn’t possible.

When I became a financial advisor, 4 weeks into the job, the most successful financial advisor in the region took me aside and told me that I would never make it, that I wasn’t any good at it, and that I should quit because it just wasn’t for me.  He said that there were better things suited for me, and I was just wasting my time.  But it wasn’t up to him.  It was up to me.

How many people have counted you out and you let them?  My own list of naysayers is extensive.  If I had listened to the doctors, and teachers, and coaches and experts, I would never have achieved any of the success that I’ve had.  My life experience would be totally different, and I would be different too.

My ability to focus totally on what I wanted, no matter what anyone was saying, no matter what anyone else thought about me, was crucial to my success.  My willingness to do whatever it took to make my dreams happen was the intangible that others couldn’t comprehend.

If I was going to fail at anything, I was going to fail giving everything that I had to create my vision. Who could possibly predict my outcome when they didn’t understand my mindset of determination and commitment?   How could anyone anticipate my willingness to give a total effort?  Who could predict what I was willing to sacrifice, and endure, to get what I wanted.  Most importantly, who could ever know how much I believed in me?

I did play major college football with full scholarships and on national TV, and in the Rose Bowl.  I did become very successful as a financial advisor, and then as a manager of financial advisors (another story of what was not possible) that led to a successful 24 year career.  I also made lots of mistakes that were all part of the process of growing and learning.

My mindset was everything in my success.  Have you ever wanted something so badly in your life that you were willing to do anything to make it happen?  For me, a resolve takes over, and I can feel it inside, and then the thing I want is already done.  Then I get to work on it.

What you believe about yourself becomes your truth.  Decide what you want to make happen in your life.  Engage your mindset for success.  Decide on the dreams you want to pursue with all of your heart.  Then go do it.  I believe that great things are possible for you, and even though I may not know you yet… I believe in you!

 

 

 

 

 

3 Big Mistakes That Limit Success

Time For a Breakthrough!

What holds you back from the success that you have always wanted?  Have you ever found yourself struggling to break out to higher levels of achievement?

We all make mistakes.  In my work with hundreds of business executives who have achieved a wide range of success, I find these 3 mistakes to be the most damaging.

  1. Lack of Confidence- Even the most successful athlete or business executive experiences moments of time where confidence dips.  This is often a result of a struggle in their personal life, or performance below their expectations.  The results of this lower confidence can be devastating to the individual because of the pressures to produce results at superior levels.  Frequently this stress is self defeating and leads to plateaus of success in a range where they feel safe. They are no longer are able to give their best effort because their confidence can’t afford to take another hit.

 

  1. Fear of Failure – Everyone experiences fear at some level; fear of not being enough, fear of change, fear of rejection, fear from the past, fear of success…The fear of failure is another big mistake that limits success.  Why would you put your heart and soul into anything if you are afraid of failing? That’s too risky.  Many people wait until they have everything perfectly lined up before getting started.  They think this reduces their chances of failure. This however, proves to be an illusion because nothing is ever perfect enough, so they never go for it.  This fear of failure actually prevents them from getting started. Fear of failure keeps people from giving their best effort, because their is too much at stake.  If you give your best effort and fail, this reinforces the belief that you aren’t good enough.   If you have made mistake in the past, the fear of repeating them, or failing again, is enough to get you to do very little.  There appears to be comfort in not going for it, but it inevitably turns into long term pain.

 

  1. Using Bad Strategies- You can be the most confident, fearless person in the world, but if you use lousy strategies, your success is limited.  An interesting phenomenon is that I consistently see bad strategies used in interactions between couples, and it pushes them apart, leading to resentment and stress. This stress spills over into business lives and leads to reduced confidence, resulting in an undercurrent of unhappiness.  Because there is already stress and pressure in business, this unwelcome addition wreaks havoc on the relationship, and business performance.  How often does this extra stress lead to the use of bad business strategies?  I see it frequently.

 

The low confidence, fearful life, using bad strategies is not much fun.  If you were to honestly evaluate your performance based on these 3 criteria alone, you might come to some interesting conclusions.

Do you believe in yourself enough?  Does fear limit you?  Are your strategies effective? 

The level of success you want is not going to happen unless you change one of these 3 areas.  How do you know what’s possible in your life?  Unless you have decided that  self imposed limitation is a good thing, there are better answers for you. Connect with me to learn more about the real solutions to your specific situation.   Send an email to jeff@peakresultscoaching.com  We are either opening up our possibilities, or closing them off.  You get to decide which you prefer in your life.