The rebirth or death of your marriage begins 1st in your mind.
What thoughts are you having about your partner?
• Are they supportive to an intimately shared life?
• Do they feel like they bring you closer together or push you further apart?
• Are they loving and heartfelt, deeply connecting thoughts?
Here are some of the thoughts that I hear from clients about their partners. You might recognize a few.
Why can’t I communicate with my partner? What’s wrong with them?
Why do I feel so disconnected? Do they still love me?
Am I still in love with them? Why are we always arguing?
Why can’t they change? Why do I have to walk on eggshells around them?
Why won’t they listen?…
Are these the types of thoughts that you are having about the person you fell in love with?
If your marriage is struggling, these are likely among the mildest of the thoughts that float through your mind. The actual language might be a little more colorful. I’ve heard plenty of completely unfiltered comments from couples about each other. Ouch!
There was a time in your life when you probably would have done anything to make your partner happy. Do you remember the feeling of being head over heels in love?
What happens? How do couples become so separate?
Changes in a happy marriage can happen all of a sudden, or take years to show up. Either way the changes begin first in the mind of the partners. Then the behaviors towards each other shift, often in the most subtle ways at first.
You start thinking about your partner differently, in a not so compassionate, loving way. And soon after, you begin acting differently towards them. From that moment on your behaviors begin to match your new thoughts. It often initiates a downhill spiral that can be difficult to get yourself out of.
Imagine that your partner could actually hear these thoughts out loud. Would they feel cherished and highly valued by you?
Your thoughts begin to create your future in advance. Your marriage is in a way, a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you begin to think negatively about your partner, soon your behaviors will start to match your thinking.
If you want a happy, fulfilling, deeply connected marriage, think about the things that you and your partner have in common. Think about the things that connect you both. Think about why you love them, and what you want your shared life to be about and look like.
Improving your marriage also starts first in your mind.
Here are a few empowering thoughts that you could act on right now:
• What can you do today to sweep your partner off their feet with love and appreciation?
• What can you notice about them that you truly admire? Be willing to tell them.
• What about your partner do you feel grateful for? Share that with them.
Read The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle, The only guide you will ever need to making love last. It will give you dozens of ideas that you can use right away to bring love and intimacy back into your marriage.
You don’t have to do it alone. Reach out to me here and you will get my input and perspective about how to turn your situation around. Talk with me, I work with people all over the world by Skype.