Where’s Your Proof of Love?

How do I know my wife loves me?

Just because she says so…?

Is that enough?

What evidence in my life points to her loving me?

And what keeps me in this relationship with her if she isn’t offering me substantial proof of her love for me?

These are real questions.

I want you to think about them for your relationship.

What proof…, What evidence do you give your partner every single day that you truly love them?

If you’re not offering something tangible and solid they won’t feel it.

  • The words I love you become superficial.
  • A ritualistic hug and kiss here or there is not the same as affection.
  • Obligatory sex is not passion.
  • Talking about the kids doesn’t create feelings of intimate connection.
  • Watching TV or being on your phones together does not help communication.

Where’s the deep caring?

How do you specifically demonstrate that you value your partner?

Is that enough for them?  Are they doing enough for you?

Do they fully and completely trust you? Do you trust them fully?

When trust leaves the relationship it’s impossible to be happy.

Now…

Do you love yourself enough to tell yourself the truth about your marriage?

This is where it gets interesting.  

  • What are you putting up with?
  • What standard have you settled for love?
  • What stories, and soft lies, and rationalizations are you living?
  • Where are you pretending it’s ok, when it’s not?

Do you love them enough to want to improve your marriage?

Do they love you enough to be willing to participate?

Read my book together.

Talk with me for direct answers to your situation.

Your commitment is what transforms a promise into reality.

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  -Dr. Seuss

 

5 Ways to End the Disappointment

Too many marriages are in crisis today.

The number of client inquiries that I get about affairs and sexting continues to surprise me.

Here are some easy things to do:

 Get Access to Your Partner’s Phone

I’ve talked about this before. If your partner is hesitant about giving you access I would take that as a danger sign. There is no reasonable reason why you shouldn’t be able to access your partner’s phone messages and email anytime you want.  Show them this article if they resist.

If a marriage is about trust, openness, and transparency, and your partner wants to hide and cover-up, get help right away.

  1. Value Your Partner.

Be certain that they feel deeply cared for and appreciated by you. It’s far too easy to take them for granted when things are Ok. And that neglect has a hefty price.

You must understand what THEY need, not what you need.

  1. Offset Your Own Stress

What are you doing to take care of your own stress? Stress builds up from work, kids, family obligations, health issues, financial pressures, etc…When you neglect yourself your emotional stability shifts and inevitably interferes with beneficial couple interactions. The more stress you are under the less you are able to demonstrate valuing your partner.

  1. Take an Interest in Their Work Environment

Since many affairs happen from the workplace, Make sure that you are participating in and sharing your partner’s work life. Go there if possible. Communicate during the day. Express your interest and curiosity about their work and the people they work with.

  1. Pay Attention

Subtle changes occur when a partner is having an affair. Their mood changes. Guilt can produce anger directed at you or withdrawal. These behaviors can become obvious well into the affair, but frequently exist right away. With our fast-paced digitally driven lives we often overlook what’s right in front of us.

End the Disappointment of an Unhappy Marriage

Get help. Don’t waste precious time trying to figure it out on your own.

Read my book.  You’ll learn what works and what doesn’t.

Talk with me.  You’ll get direct answers for any relationship challenge.

 

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  -Dr. Seuss

Thanksgiving Wisdom for Your Marriage

It’s been an interesting 12 years of helping couples fix their marriages.

I’ve seen pretty much anything you could ever imagine times 3.

I’ve worked with swingers and swappers, open marriages, gay and lesbian relationships, and every type of physical and emotional affair possible.

The common themes are all the same:

  • People don’t know what to do in order to have the love and intimacy they crave.
  • They make simple mistakes frequently that sever the feelings of connection. That’s where the downhill spiral begins. And that’s what must change for things to get better.
  • They have undisclosed expectations that of course remain unmet. This creates unhappiness and bitterness that builds up.
  • They blame and finger point without realizing that they are active participants in the disconnect as well. Are you willing to shine the spotlight of truth on yourself?
  • People often unknowingly bring their personal stress into each interaction adding a disconnecting wedge.
  • There’s more….
Here’s what you need to remember:
Disagreements and arguments are only about two things:
  1.   Who is more right
  2.   And who is more important.
 
People will do what gets their needs met… either inside,… or outside of your marriage.

This Thanksgiving and through the Holidays do not try to solve any relationship problems on your own.

Do not get into heated discussions about what your partner isn’t doing for you. Stress levels are high enough. There’s no reason to add to it.

Here’s what to do instead:

  • Make a decision to get help as soon as possible. With or without your partner.
  • Do what you can to personally offset your own inner stress. Take care of you!
  • Be kind to your partner. Be considerate of their stress levels.
  • Choose to be as peaceful as possible. Creating additional pressure for them to change or ultimatums will backfire.
Wishing you and your family a loving, and peaceful Thanksgiving!
 
Remember… Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, 
nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  -Dr. Seuss

The #1 Cause of Divorce, Affairs and Unhappiness

First a reminder of the numbers:

  • Each year over 2 million couples divorce in the United States.
    And 1 person in every 3 couples is right now having an affair.

And thanks to technology there’s a huge increase in emotional affairs,
with secretive texting and sexting outside the marriage.

But here’s what may surprise you:

People who cheat, frequently love their partners very much.
And are often faithful and devoted, even for decades.

Here’s what might shock you:

Most couples who decide to divorce still really love each other,
but get divorced anyway.

Want to know why?

Because people have lost the feelings of being “in love” with their partners.

And it drives them to do things they wouldn’t normally do while they search for the excitement and aliveness, of feeling “in love” again.

What will you do if your partner falls out of love with you?

That answer will give you the truth about how well you understand relationships.

People fall out of love all the time. Even though they still love their partners, they lose the feelings of being in love.

And it’s their lack of knowledge and understanding about what to do,
that destroys more marriages than anything else.

You cannot talk your way back in love,
You cannot give his and her version of events and fall back in love.

That only happens with specific behavioral changes.

And here’s what happens because partners no longer feel “in love.”

  • It’s the #1 cause of divorce.
  • It’s the #1 cause of affairs.
  • It’s the #1 cause of unhappiness.

What people don’t know is that they can fall back “in love” again.
Even if it’s been 20 years without feeling “in love” with each other.

What’s missing matters so much more than you realize.

I want you to have the skills and knowledge that will keep your love,
intimacy, communication, and deep connection, alive for a lifetime.

That won’t happen without the feelings of being ”in love” with your partner.

Here’s all you need to do:

Do what’s in this book The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle

Reach out and talk with me here.

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot.
Nothing is going to get better. It’s not. -Dr. Seuss

Why Couples Continue to Struggle

I’ve had some wake-up calls in my life.

You’ve probably had your share too.

One of them was my divorce 25 years ago. That drove me to figure out how to have a great marriage.  Today that’s easy because I know what to do. I want you to have that wisdom because it takes all your relationship stress away.

What knowledge and understanding is missing that keeps you stuck and unhappy?

Because that’s really all it is.

And until you admit that to yourself, nothing is ever going to change.

And it determines your path ahead:

  • Will you be happy or unhappy?
  • Will you have peace or be overwhelmed with stress?

Without realizing it people choose to be unhappy for the rest of their lives because they won’t tell themselves the truth:

They don’t have the knowledge and understanding needed to have a great marriage,

And they are unwilling to do what’s needed to change their situation.

  • Some pretend things are Ok when they are not.
  • Some think talking about the problems will solve them. It won’t.
  • Some think communication is their greatest challenge. It’s not.
  • Some blame their partner and do nothing. That creates consequences.

Do you have the knowledge and understanding needed to turn your situation around?

People can pretend it’s something else.  And to make a decision to continue to struggle and stay stuck will always haunt them.

Never pretend it’s Ok to be unhappy. There is no escape for letting yourself down like that.

Have you read The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle and used the ideas?

Have you spoken with me so that you have the knowledge and understanding to fix your situation?

If not, now might be a good time to do that.

 

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  –Dr. Seuss

Lessons of Marriage; Everlasting Happiness

Of all my marriage mistakes of the past, I failed to understand that my marriage wasn’t going to stay happy and passionate all by itself.

 

And I didn’t become one of the country’s leading experts in marriage repair by choice. It happened by necessity. And it happened because I care alot.

 

I was completely fed up with my own relationship stress, and all I wanted was to have everlasting happiness with my wife.

 

If you’re read my book The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle, you know that my first marriage ended because I was clueless. Now after 18 years with my wife, I have the amazing marriage I want, and no relationship stress.

 

Learning what to Do and Not Do, was the life altering wisdom I now have.

 

That’s a truly great thing. I want that for you. If you don’t want that for yourself, no one can help you.

 

I share what I’ve learned with people because the traditional couples counseling model didn’t work at all for me. And it clearly doesn’t work for close to a million couples who try it and divorce each year.

 

In my opinion, a completely different type of thinking and problem solving is needed based on only this one thought:

 

Is what I’m doing; useful, helpful, support or beneficial to what I want?

 

If not, why not?

  • Do you know exactly what you want?
  • Do you know what to do?
  • Are you willing to do it?

Is there something in the way of you doing it that needs to be resolved?

This is the mindset that creates immediate success. This is how I saved my own Marriage. This is the mindset that has allowed me to save hundreds of other couples from unhappiness and divorce.

 

I can help you:

  1. Get clear what you want,
  2. Know what to do and what not to do,
  3. Let go the hurt and resentment from the past.

The real issues exist because of a lack of understanding about the above things.

Embrace them and your marriage will be transformed. Work on anything else and you will be disappointed long term.

 

If you want my help, reach out here. 

 

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

Nothing is going to get better. It’s not. – Dr. Seuss

Lessons of Love; Benign Neglect

So people fall in love, get married, maybe have kids, and it’s happily ever after….right?

That’s what I used to believe happened.

 

Now that I’m married….we’re good…not much more to do here.

I’ve got a career to get to, a family to support, the marriage will take care of itself….right?

 

This is how couples fall out of love with each other

And this is the recipe for the failure of countless marriages.  

 

I hear it all the time.

 

“I’m not in love with them anymore.” 

 

Maybe that’s where you are.

 

If  you’ve read my book The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle, I talk about the impact of benign neglect.

  • How we don’t mean to make other things more important than our marriage but we do.
  • How we don’t mean to put our careers and our kids ahead of each other, but we do.
  • We don’t mean to take each other for granted but we do.
  • We often believe as I once did, that the marriage will kind of take care of itself.

And my marriage failed.

And the marriages of over 2 million people in the US fail each year.

 

The biggest mistake of all is thinking that things are good, when they are in fact not. 

Maybe you just don’t know any better…yet. 

Do not wait for the symptoms to appear;

  • Increasing conflicts
  • Communication struggles
  • Fading Intimacy
  • Disappearing Affection
  • Questions of Trust

You can save your marriage before it gets deep into the dysfunction phase.

You can even save your marriage when you think it’s over.

 

But that takes an openness to learn what will turn things around,

and a willing partner who hasn’t decided quite yet that they’re done.

 

There’s alot more at stake than most people realize. 

Talk to me.

  1. You’ll know what the real problem is.
  2. You’ll know what the answer to it is.
  3. And you’ll know what to do next.

 

In the famous words of Dr. Seuss;

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

nothing is going to get better. It’s not. 

 

Unhappy Marriages are Hard, Fixing them is Easy

 

Completely transforming a marriage is easy.

Wanting to,… is another matter.

 

Do you know any couples that are in an unhappy or unsatisfying marriage?

Why don’t they do something about it?

 

Here’s what they say:

  • Can’t be bothered.
  • Don’t care anymore.
  • I’m used to it.
  • It’s too much work.
  • I don’t have time.
  • I’m tired of doing it myself.
  • They won’t participate.
  • Nothing will change.

Many couples settle into a deep slumber in their marriages.

 

And as a result of this thing I call Benign Neglect, the very things

that make a marriage worthwhile; including intimacy, passion,

feelings of togetherness, affection, communication, and living

a deeply shared life… often leave the relationship,

 

The mistake people make is thinking it won’t get worse.

 

It usually does.

 

And unhappiness and emptiness takes the place of all the aliveness

of feeling deeply cared for, and intimately connected.

 

That stress doesn’t go away by itself.

 

One person in 3 couples is having an affair today. That doesn’t include

the emotional connections that people often get attached to outside

of their marriage.

 

Turning an unhappy marriage around is easy. I’ve helped hundreds of couples

do it. Even extreme situations where divorce papers were filed, or couples had

moved in with affair partners.

 

Miraculous things are possible when you know what to do and you’re willing to do them.

What works is easily available in my book The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle

 

People reach out to me from all over the world to get my support to turn their marriages

around. You could too. The initial consultation is free. It’s another easy thing to do.

If you’re willing Sign up at the bottom of this page.

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  – Dr. Seuss

 

Do THIS to Improve Your Marriage Today

Many marriage challenges can be resolved much easier than people think. Even the most stubborn relationship issues can change quickly.

You simply need to know exactly what will help improve your situation and be willing to go do it.

One of the reasons I’m so successful helping hundreds of couples  save their marriages, is that I like to take complex situations and make them simple.

It’s easy for the partners and even experts to get caught up in all the details of a couple’s conflicts. Your version, their version,…whose is more right?

 You can examine and dissect the issues until you are blue in the face…

The problem is doing that will not bring you closer together.

 Here’s something simple I personally do every day that will help you:

If you’re read  the chapter on Vision in my book, The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle, you understand how important it is to think about how you want to FEEL when you are with your partner.

Before I see my wife during the day or coming back from work at night, I have already thought about how I want to FEEL when I’m with her.

 My top of mind emotion is Peace.

Why Peace you might ask?

Because there’s plenty of stress already available, and if I’m peaceful I can easily access other emotional states that will keep us deeply connected.

  • If I’m peaceful I can be playful,light,happy and fun.
  • If I’m peaceful and she’s stressed, I can help her to be more peaceful,
  •  and there will be no escalation of disagreements or misunderstandings.
  • If I’m peaceful I can be affectionate, and fully present for her.
  • If I’m peaceful I can bring perspective into any situation.

This is a simple little thing that has been game changing in my own marriage.

Try it out for yourself.

Reach out to connect with me if you’d like to learn how to apply my ideas to improve your own marriage.

 

What we do and fail to do will always be reflected in the outcome of our marriage.