THIS Must Happen if You Want Fulfilling Love

Being married should never be the goal.

Staying married should never be the goal.

WHY?

It’s the wrong target to aim for, and will never bring you happiness.

You might marry the wrong person just to become married. But as you know, you won’t find happiness with the wrong person.

*People might stay together unhappily married, just for their kids. What you might not realize is that only gives your kids a dysfunctional model for success in a relationship. And greatly diminishes your kids chances for happiness if they do marry later on.

WHY?

Because unfortunately we all repeat many of the parental patterns that were modeled for us.  Were your parents patterns of interaction deeply loving and fulfilling for them?

Wouldn’t it be better to model high levels of daily affection, playful interactions, deep conversations, and genuine happiness and joy around each other?

That’s what I wanted to model for our son and have.

In order to have fulfilling love that lasts a life time, that must be the goal. It must be the point of focus. And it must be the priority.

  • It cannot happen if you’re unwilling to learn how to do that. 
  • It cannot happen if you aren’t committed. 
  • It cannot happen if your work, your kids, your friends, or hobbies,etc.. are the priority. 

In order to have deeply fulfilling love that lasts a lifetime. You must focus on creating special moments together.

The amount of time required to do that is tiny. Your understanding of what to do must be upgraded.  

I’d like to help you.

Read The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle ,and do what’s in it.

If you’re ready for my personal guidance reach out to me here.

Life without fulfilling love is not very special.   

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot. Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  -Dr. Seuss

The Measure of Love You Feel

Marriage can be a funny thing. It’s never really what people expect it to be. For most it’s something less.

Those unmet expectations….The disappointment can be devastating.

The most common complaint I hear is:“I love them but I’m no longer in love with them. “

That’s a surprisingly easy problem to solve.

In my experience if you were in-love with your partner earlier in your marriage, you can feel in love with them again.

All you have to do is restore the Feeling of connection between you. That’ also the only thing that will ever work.

Being in love is a feeling, isn’t it.

It’s not something that should happen, or ought to be there all the time. It either is, or it isn’t there all by itself.

  • You can’t talk your way back in love with someone.
  • You can’t think your way there.
  • And the feeling of being in love doesn’t naturally fade over time.

The only reason so many couples experience that is they stop doing the things that created their deep connection initially.

Any marriage that’s on auto-pilot will lose the feelings of being in-love.

If you want proof of how deeply fulfilling your marriage is: Tell me how much joy you experience daily with your partner.

That’s the evidence that says it all. It’s also a measure of how in-love you feel.

You can convince yourself of lots of things. But you cannot convince yourself of feeling joy with someone or being in-love, when it’s not true.

Marriage can be the most extraordinary thing, filled with precious moments, magic, and treasured memories.

  • Your shared love never has to fade.

But not everyone wants an extraordinary marriage. If you do, talk with me. It’s the most important work I do.

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot.

Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  -Dr. Seuss

 

The Loss of My Wife

My wife passed away recently from her struggles with cancer. She was 49.

We shared 19 years of life together and a 12 year old son.

 

Our love was deeply fulfilling and extraordinary.

We made it our priority every day.

 

I’m not looking for sympathy or well wishes, or anything else.

I want this to be a wake-up call for you.

 

Life is a most precious and fragile thing. Value the people you care deeply about.

 

Love can be extraordinary, or mediocre. That’s up to you.

Choose extraordinary!

 

The words “I Love You” have a very unique meaning for each of us.

  • What does it mean for you?
  • More importantly, what does it get you to do?

 

Love is not love if you withhold something from each other.

 

Here are 5 moments that I used to deepen our connection:

  1. What do they feel sitting in the silence of your presence?
  2. What does your partner feel holding you?
  3. What do they feel looking into your eyes or touching your hand?
  4. What do they feel when they talk to you and listen to you?
  5. What do they feel when you see them walking in the door,                                                   not having seen them all day?

 

When you greeted them on day 797 of your life together did they still feel

the feeling of being deeply loved by you?

 

And on day 6,935 together will your eyes still meet in a loving and lingering

way, recognizing the extraordinary love you feel for each other, and the joy

that exits solely because you are together?

That’s what I want for you!

  1. What standard of love have you chosen for your marriage?
  2. What standard of love have you chosen to give to your partner?

 

What difference can your love make?

More than you can imagine!

 

Hold your partner closely today, and notice the feeling you feel.

Look deeply into their eyes for a full 20 seconds and notice what you feel.

This will tell you what you need in your marriage.

 

This is the most important work I do.  I’m here to help you when you’re ready.

You can find my book here, and reach out to talk with me here.

 

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  –Dr. Seuss

THIS is the Truth About Marriage and Divorce

Any marriage can be turned around.

Unless one of you doesn’t want that to happen.

 

There are only things that get in the way,

and there are things that need to be learned.

 

Understanding what they are, and being willing to make

the behavioral adjustments is all that’s ever needed.

 

Nothing else will be successful.

Marriages don’t fail by themselves.

 

People fail to do what serves and supports the deep

feeling of connection.

 

And that starts the unraveling of the bond of the relationship.

 

Resulting in millions of affairs, secretive texting and sexting,

and divorce.

  • If you want to communicate better…
  • If you want to increase affection and intimacy…
  • If you want to resolve conflicts…
  • If you want to build trust…
  • If you want to prevent affairs…
  • If you want to prevent divorce…

Then focus on deepening your connection.

Without that nothing will help.

 

That’s where Your things get in the way.

And that’s where You need to learn. 

Of course the same is true of your partner.

 

Educate yourself. Be willing to admit what you might not know.

Most importantly be willing to get the right help.

 

The information to improve your marriage is easily available here.

The guidance to do that is right here.

 

What you fail to do is often the very thing that creates disconnect

leading to your own unhappiness.

.

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot.

Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  -Dr. Seuss.

 

 

 

No Marriage is a 50-50 Equal Partnership

Maybe you’ve been led to believe that a good marriage is a 50% – 50% partnership.

It’s not true.

In fact, no partnership is really ever 50%-50%

I’ve been in several partnerships in my business career
and worked to resolve dozens of business partner conflicts.

Here’s what I experienced:
• Someone is always doing a little more.
• Sometimes one partner is doing a lot more.
• Sometimes the rewards are not equal.
• Sometimes personal stress interferes with the partnership.
That’s also true of marriage.

There may be times when you feel like you’re doing almost everything.
There may be times when your partner feels like what they do isn’t valued equally.

I can say it should be a 50%-50% effort in my marriage.

But that won’t make it a reality.
And my wife’s idea of 50%-50% if surely different than mine.
This I know to be true!

Here’s how I resolved this in my mind and part of my marriage repair process.

I decided to take 100% responsibility for my marriage success.

Why?

Initially it was an experiment. I didn’t know what would happen.

I discovered that by doing more I was able to completely resolve my marriage issues.
• My vision for the level of happiness, connection, and intimacy was realized.
• My wife did more and often surprised me with her efforts.
• It saved my marriage.
Forget the 50%-50% idea. It’s not real.

Focus on taking 100% responsibility to do your part.
If you know what to do and what not to do, it will dramatically improve your marriage.

If you want answers for your marriage, read my book.
If you want my personal guidance, reach out and talk to me here.

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot.
Nothing is going to get better. It’s not. -Dr. Seuss

Do You Really Care Enough?

Many couples go through the motions of caring for each other.

 

Do you care for your partner but give less than you used to? 

 

It’s not that you’re neglecting each other, ti’s more of a superficial caring kind of thing.

Plus your both really busy.,. Lots to do.

 

I see this often in couples I work with.

 

There’s another version of caring I call pretend caring.

That looks a lot like neglect.

People claim to care but don’t do much to really show it.

 

They defend it to each other this way:

 

” I’m here, I showed up didn’t I.”

” I haven’t left”.

“What’s your problem now”

“I do alot more for you than you do for me.”

“Nothing’s ever enough for you.”

 

I use the idea of Deep Caring to help couples improve their marriages.

Saying you care isn’t proof of deep caring. 

You must provide proof and evidence of that caring.

 

When you deeply care, you’ll DO anything:

  • You’ll make your partner the priority
  • You’ll do many kind and thoughtful things for them. .
  • You’ll go out of your way to demonstrate that you love them.
  • You’ll go out of your way to value and appreciate them.
  • You’ll be affectionate and present when you’re with them.
  • You’ll be thinking mostly of giving and not getting back.

– When Deep Caring is missing, relationships begin to fall apart.

 

– When Deep Caring is missing, communication will suffer.

 

– When Deep Caring is missing affection and intimacy are dull and routine.

 

– When Deep Caring is missing, people feel neglected and unhappy.

 

Are you demonstrating proof of Deep Caring to your partner? 

No marriage ever gets better unless behaviors are changed. 

 

Talk with me if you care deeply enough about your marriage to want to fix it.

 

Your marriage cannot fix itself.

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot
Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  -Dr. Seuss

The Marriage Myth; Being Loved is Not Enough

There is a deep longing we all share;  to matter.

Who will we matter to?

My wife says she loves me.

That’s important.

However…,

  • To be recognized for what I bring into the relationship,
  • To feel valued,
  • To be acknowledged for what I give.
  • To be given credit where due,
  • And to feel appreciated,

is more meaningful.

Being loved is not enough.

Your partner’s words of love will echo into the blankness of space without their valuing you.

You’ll soon wonder if they do actually love you.

Do you feel deeply cared for?

That’s the benchmark.

What evidence of that exists in your life?

And what proof does your partner have of you deeply caring for, and valuing them?

Whenever someone says your name with anything of value; it’s empowering.

When they speak your name with negativity; it’s diminishing to connection.

Criticism is destructive. To be pointed out wrong can undermine confidence.

We are not here to fix our partner. That’s up to them.

How do you demonstrated love to your partner?

Our effort to give must be acknowledged in some way, or soon I may not try so hard.

You and your partner will figure out how to love and value each other by proof and evidence of that, or you will disconnect.

My work with couples teaches both partners separately how to do that. In my experience, his and her version of events can be a complete waste of time and lead nowhere.

Unless you provide proof and evidence to your partner that you care deeply about them, your words have no value.

You must understand what that proof looks like or your marriage will remain unhappy forever,…if you choose to stay together.

I’d like to help you. You can reach out and talk with me here.

You have read my book right?

What you fail to do is often just the thing that will cause your marriage to fail.

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot.

Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  –Dr. Seuss

How Marriages Die

Everyone wants someone to love, but no one wants to love with all their heart and get nothing or very little back.

The perceived imbalance of love is how is starts.

It’s the cause of tremendous pain. And it teaches people that loving so much isn’t worth it.

So they back off, or completely stop giving love. And then what happens is their own hurt expands. This is how resentment and anger take over.

The source of our unhappiness is when the unconditional loving relationship becomes conditional.

Here’s how it happens:

  • You love and accept me. It’s why I love you.
  • Then you point out that thing I do.
  • Then you misunderstand what I said.
  • Then you create the slightest amount of distance.
  • You become a little less affectionate.
  • You find more things to point out about me that you don’t agree with or don’t like.
  • Your voice changes when you talk to me.

Now my unconditional love for you just became conditional upon you giving me back the love you took away from me. And I can’t love you the same until you do.

So I begin to withhold a little bit here and there. I become more sensitive and more easily upset. Our love is unraveling and we may not even know it.

Now we need help because things will get much worse if we don’t.

Find a reason to give love to your partner even if your marriage is broken.

You’ll feel better. And maybe your partner will respond. If not, you can make a decision about how to live your life that is more supportive to sharing love.

People have had great success using the ideas in my book. 

When you’re ready for answers reach out and talk with me. 

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot

Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  -Dr. Seuss

Why Good People Cheat

You know that both men and women are cheating at about the same rates today.  And you also know that secretive sexting and texting have become incredibly commonplace.

Why?

Think back to when you first fell in love, and remember the excitement and aliveness that you felt with your partner. They pre-occupied your thoughts, and you couldn’t wait to spend time with them. There was a sense of eagerness and adventure.

Do you still feel that way?

For many couples those exciting feelings of being in love have faded away.

People find themselves in dull routines often taking each other for granted. Life revolves around responsibilities, children, careers and household chores.

Day to day living with your partner can become superficial patterns of interaction. These happen as a result of busy routines and habits instead of demonstrating deep caring and close intimacy.

Sex for many couples becomes a chore or a duty that needs to be performed and checked off. Often not happening with the frequency or the quality that people want.

Affairs are anything but dull and routine. Even sexting and texting have elements of excitement and adventure in them. People who have affairs talk about feeling alive and free of responsibilities.

For some it can become an addictive escape from routines and responsibility.

Preventing affairs is relatively easy.

Your partners needs for adventure, excitement, aliveness, and feeling valued will be met.

Either by you, or potentially by someone else.

If you’d like to learn more about preventing affairs or moving beyond them reach out to me here.

You can read more about preventing affairs in my book.

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  -Dr. Seuss

Cutting Through the BS of Unhappy Marriages

Unhappy marriages are common.

It’s the pretending it’s not true that makes it stay that way.​​​​​​​

People do not destroy their marriages on purpose.

No one wakes up and says, “Today’s the day I ruin my children’s happiness.”

No one says, “I’m going to create lots of arguments and conflicts this week,

or “I hope to do my part to make my marriage suck starting today.”

No one is intentionally trying to be unhappy, or to intentionally make you unhappy.

But here’s the truth:

If you knew what to do to have a happy and deeply connected marriage, you’d be doing it, And you’d already have it.

Because here’s what’s also true:

If you think you know what to do to stay happily married forever but just refuse to do it, why would anyone want to stay with you.

If you’re not happily married you simply have to decide:

  • You’re either willing to learn, or you’re not.
  • And you’re either willing to do what does works, or you’re not.

And if you’re not, that’s Ok, but refusing to learn what will work says something  about you that your partner needs to know. And It will keep you both stuck forever.

This truth is why people continue to repeat patterns of pain and unhappiness.

My goal is to wake you up to the soft lies and superficial truth that people tell themselves:

  • Things are not OK if you cant’ access your partner’s devices and phone.
  • Things are not Ok if you don’t feel connected or appreciated.
  • Things are not OK if there’s very little affection or intimacy.
  • Things are not Ok if your partner’s having an affair or you don’t trust them.
  • Things are not Ok if you’re in constant conflicts or disagreements..
  • Things are not Ok if you’re walking on egg shells around each other and can’t communicate.

How many days in the year do you feel valued and deeply cared for?

Life is short. We make choices that often don’t serve us. There’s no reason for that to continue if you’re not loving happily together.

Do what’s in it my book.

And talk to me.  Reach out near the bottom of this web page .

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot.

Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  -Dr. Seuss