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High levels of career success and financial abundance without a fulfilling relationship equals emptiness.
My phone rings…it’s a call from another wealthy couple who has the physical trimmings of high levels of success, but finds themselves coming up empty in love. Sometimes it’s their first marriage, often it’s their second or third.
The common theme is that both of the partners are caught up in a frenzied pace of work and social obligations and there is no longer a connection between them. They are living incredibly busy lives with no time for each other.
I remember one couple in particular who told me, “We don’t have time to work on our marriage.” It was true. Everything else in their lives had come first, and it had been going on for so long that they couldn’t even imagine how that might change.
What they also missed was that by doing the same things over and over again, they would never create what they both claimed to want; a deeply connected, passionate relationship.
One of the mistakes that many financially successful couples make is in thinking that the homes, travel, social and lifestyle focus of their lives is enough to fill them with happiness. If that was true, how do you explain the failure of so many celebrity marriages?
It’s easy to get caught up in the glamour of a high profile lifestyle and forget about the deeper needs of your partner. It’s easy to make everything and anything else in your life more important than the relationship.
I call that benign neglect.
You don’t intend to make everything else a priority. You don’t mean to make your work or social obligations more important than your partner. You don’t want to create distance between you. It just kind of happens and you don’t even realize it until there’s an affair, or enough unhappiness that divorce conversations come up.
Then a moment of panic sets in. Now you have to do something. But do what?
Another mistake that people make is in thinking that the marriage struggles are because of a lack of communication. I don’t believe that’s true.
While the communication between the partners might be a challenge, it isn’t the source of the unhappiness. Couples will often waste months and even years trying to resolve communication issues and never actually repair the relationship.
In my opinion, the lack of feeling connected, not the lack of communication is the number one cause of divorce. Until and unless that gets restored all other efforts to fix the marriage will fall short.
Want to begin to shift the dynamics of your relationship?
In order for someone to feel connected, they must feel valued, wanted, needed, and desired. It’s difficult for anyone to feel that way when everything else in your life comes first.
Can you make your partner the priority? Are you willing to put the needs of the relationship above everything else in your life?
Will you stop doing anything and everything that is harmful to the love and connection of the relationship? If you have some self-honesty there are things you are doing today that are hurting the connection between you both.
Look at your behavior in the relationship through this simple lens: Is what I am doing today helpful or supportive to sustaining love and passion in my marriage? If the answer is no, why are you doing it?
Your relationship will always reflect what you do and fail to do.
Click here to get even more information about exactly how to put your relationship back on track.