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No Marriage is a 50-50 Equal Partnership

Maybe you’ve been led to believe that a good marriage is a 50% – 50% partnership.

It’s not true.

In fact, no partnership is really ever 50%-50%

I’ve been in several partnerships in my business career
and worked to resolve dozens of business partner conflicts.

Here’s what I experienced:
• Someone is always doing a little more.
• Sometimes one partner is doing a lot more.
• Sometimes the rewards are not equal.
• Sometimes personal stress interferes with the partnership.
That’s also true of marriage.

There may be times when you feel like you’re doing almost everything.
There may be times when your partner feels like what they do isn’t valued equally.

I can say it should be a 50%-50% effort in my marriage.

But that won’t make it a reality.
And my wife’s idea of 50%-50% if surely different than mine.
This I know to be true!

Here’s how I resolved this in my mind and part of my marriage repair process.

I decided to take 100% responsibility for my marriage success.

Why?

Initially it was an experiment. I didn’t know what would happen.

I discovered that by doing more I was able to completely resolve my marriage issues.
• My vision for the level of happiness, connection, and intimacy was realized.
• My wife did more and often surprised me with her efforts.
• It saved my marriage.
Forget the 50%-50% idea. It’s not real.

Focus on taking 100% responsibility to do your part.
If you know what to do and what not to do, it will dramatically improve your marriage.

If you want answers for your marriage, read my book.
If you want my personal guidance, reach out and talk to me here.

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot.
Nothing is going to get better. It’s not. -Dr. Seuss

3 Reasons Your Marriage Isn’t Already Great

Not everyone is ready to hear the truth but here it is…

If your marriage isn’t already great you’re making any of these 3 big mistakes:

  1. You don’t care enough.  

When I work with couples I look for proof of deep caring.

I look for actual evidence that people are willing to do whatever it takes to fix their marriage. I look for people who are willing to make it a priority in their lives. Is that you?

  1. You think you care. 

Because you’re stressed or unhappy doesn’t mean you care deeply.

It’s inconvenient to feel disconnected with your partner, or to be unable to communicate, or to always be arguing, or to be walking on eggshells around each other, or to have poor affection and intimacy.

It can even be painful, but what steps are you taking to change it? Thinking you care is not evidence of doing whatever is needed to get rid of the problems between you.

  1. You”ll waste more time. 

Unless a decision is made immediately to fix your marriage or find great help and hire them, you”ll go through the motions of searching for answers but nothing will change.

This is simply more proof that you don’t care enough to fix the problem once and for all. You can blame your partner but that doesn’t really do anything at all.

Here’s Evidence of Deep Caring

  1. You take responsibility for your role in the disconnect.
  2. You tell yourself the truth about how important this is or isn’t to you. 
  3. You make the adjustments that prove you care deeply. 
  4. You find the answers and implement them right away, or you get the best help you can, and follow their guidance to the best of your ability. 

Do anything else and it’s all superficial caring. A game of pretending to be working on fixing the problems that goes on and on, yet nothing changes.

If you’re doing that you need to care more about your happiness.

What’s your truth?

The evidence and proof of caring are found only in what you are doing. 

Have you read my book and used the ideas?

Have you spoken with me and followed my advice?

Why not?

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot

Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  -Dr. Seuss

 

The #1 Cause of Divorce, Affairs and Unhappiness

First a reminder of the numbers:

  • Each year over 2 million couples divorce in the United States.
    And 1 person in every 3 couples is right now having an affair.

And thanks to technology there’s a huge increase in emotional affairs,
with secretive texting and sexting outside the marriage.

But here’s what may surprise you:

People who cheat, frequently love their partners very much.
And are often faithful and devoted, even for decades.

Here’s what might shock you:

Most couples who decide to divorce still really love each other,
but get divorced anyway.

Want to know why?

Because people have lost the feelings of being “in love” with their partners.

And it drives them to do things they wouldn’t normally do while they search for the excitement and aliveness, of feeling “in love” again.

What will you do if your partner falls out of love with you?

That answer will give you the truth about how well you understand relationships.

People fall out of love all the time. Even though they still love their partners, they lose the feelings of being in love.

And it’s their lack of knowledge and understanding about what to do,
that destroys more marriages than anything else.

You cannot talk your way back in love,
You cannot give his and her version of events and fall back in love.

That only happens with specific behavioral changes.

And here’s what happens because partners no longer feel “in love.”

  • It’s the #1 cause of divorce.
  • It’s the #1 cause of affairs.
  • It’s the #1 cause of unhappiness.

What people don’t know is that they can fall back “in love” again.
Even if it’s been 20 years without feeling “in love” with each other.

What’s missing matters so much more than you realize.

I want you to have the skills and knowledge that will keep your love,
intimacy, communication, and deep connection, alive for a lifetime.

That won’t happen without the feelings of being ”in love” with your partner.

Here’s all you need to do:

Do what’s in this book The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle

Reach out and talk with me here.

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot.
Nothing is going to get better. It’s not. -Dr. Seuss

The Mirror Test and What Men Don’t Know

You already know that men and women often see things very differently.

If you’ve read my book The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle, then you know there are some real differences between the roles that men and women have in sustaining couple communication, trust and intimacy.

This isn’t something that most men will ever figure out. They need to be taught.

  • If you’re waiting and hoping for your man to understand you better, you’re wasting your time.

That isn’t going to happen unless he talks with someone like me and learns what to do. His idea of what you need and want, is based on his parental relationship models. The same of course is true for you. That’s why relationships often fail.

Our unmet expectations create bitterness and resentment that can be destructive to our feelings of being “in love”.  As you already know, “being in love” is not the same as loving your partner.

The feelings of being ‘in love’ with each other add a magical element to our lives. Without that, it’s just a friendship that brings disappointment.

Will your marriage ever get any better if you don’t do something about it?

  • Some people settle for less because they don’t know what to do.
  • Some people have gotten used to being unhappy.
  • Some people are afraid of trying anymore.
  • And some people have just given up.

These are all just choices.

Take the mirror test. Look yourself in the eyes and ask:

  • Does my marriage fill me with joy?
  • Does my marriage make me feel better about myself?
  • If things stay this way, will I feel proud, or disappointed?
  • And will I accept living my life this way?

Please never give up on your happiness. Some people have conditioned themselves to be ok with disappointment. That’s not a decision that will ever allow you to feel good about yourself.

  • If I don’t feel good about me, how will I ever be happy?
  • And if I don’t feel good about me, how will I ever find peace?

There’s far more at stake in being together as a couple than people realize. This is the thing people don’t know, and it’s crushing their overall happiness.

When you give your relationship the attention it deserves, everything about your life can get better.

If you’re ready to learn what to do, reach out and talk with me here.

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot.

Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  –Dr. Seuss

Why 2 Million Marriages Crash and Burn Each Year

No one is intentionally creating unhappiness in their marriage. It happens because people don’t have the skills needed to live and love happily ever after.

Your marriage will model many of the behaviors that you saw in your parents’ interactions. That’s just a conditioned reality.

That experience can be a recipe for success, or a recipe for unhappiness.

If what you saw back then wasn’t joyful, affectionate, loving and communicative, your marriage is likely to be challenging.

Why?

Because having a great relationship is a skill. It’s a learned behavior.

No different than flying a plane.

You can learn how to do that really well. But you have to get an expert to either model that for you, or to teach you.

You will not figure out how to fly a plane on your own, and you won’t have a successful marriage if you don’t have the skills.

To pretend you’re a pilot when you’re not will end in disaster.

To imagine that you have the skills for a happy and deeply fulfilling marriage may not be accurate, if that isn’t what exits in your life right now.

You could think of lots or reasons why it isn’t that way, but the truth is whatever it is.

Your success won’t come because you want it to, or because you love your partner.

It will come because you were willing to learn the skills to pilot your marriage successfully.

  • Wanting it to work isn’t enough.
  • Hoping it’s going to get better will end in disappointment.
  • Learning and doing what works is all that matters.

What you and your partner know about sustaining love for a lifetime will always be reflected in your results.

Each year over 2 million couples divorce. It’s not because they’ve fallen out of love. It’s because they didn’t know what to do to keep love alive for a lifetime.

Here are easy ways to learn the skills:

Read The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle

Reach out and talk to me here.

 

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  -Dr. Seuss

Why Couples Continue to Struggle

I’ve had some wake-up calls in my life.

You’ve probably had your share too.

One of them was my divorce 25 years ago. That drove me to figure out how to have a great marriage.  Today that’s easy because I know what to do. I want you to have that wisdom because it takes all your relationship stress away.

What knowledge and understanding is missing that keeps you stuck and unhappy?

Because that’s really all it is.

And until you admit that to yourself, nothing is ever going to change.

And it determines your path ahead:

  • Will you be happy or unhappy?
  • Will you have peace or be overwhelmed with stress?

Without realizing it people choose to be unhappy for the rest of their lives because they won’t tell themselves the truth:

They don’t have the knowledge and understanding needed to have a great marriage,

And they are unwilling to do what’s needed to change their situation.

  • Some pretend things are Ok when they are not.
  • Some think talking about the problems will solve them. It won’t.
  • Some think communication is their greatest challenge. It’s not.
  • Some blame their partner and do nothing. That creates consequences.

Do you have the knowledge and understanding needed to turn your situation around?

People can pretend it’s something else.  And to make a decision to continue to struggle and stay stuck will always haunt them.

Never pretend it’s Ok to be unhappy. There is no escape for letting yourself down like that.

Have you read The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle and used the ideas?

Have you spoken with me so that you have the knowledge and understanding to fix your situation?

If not, now might be a good time to do that.

 

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

nothing is going to get better. It’s not.  –Dr. Seuss

The Only 2 Real Marriage Issues to Fix

Having a great marriage isn’t a hard thing to do. Telling ourselves the truth is more difficult. And that’s what keeps people stuck in unhappy and unfulfilling marriages.

  1. You don’t how to have a happy marriage-

This was an unpleasant truth that I had to tell myself years ago.  I really didn’t know what I was doing, even though I wanted to blame my wife for everything wrong in our marriage.

  • Did I know how to prevent conflicts or resolve them peacefully? Nope!
  • Did I know what to do to keep our chemistry and intimacy high? Thought I did, but not really.
  • Did I know how to keep communication open and easy? Definitely not!
  • Did I understand what she needed from me the most? Absolutely not.
  • Did I know how to affair proof our marriage? Not a clue.

Why not?

Who was going to teach me all of these things? My dad who left when I was 15? The couples counselor we went to who blamed me for everything wrong in the marriage, and suggested we get a divorce?

You may know there are over 50,000 traditional couples counselors in the US, yet over 2 million divorces each year. Many are not teaching people what works and what doesn’t very effectively.

  1. You and your partner look at life and marriage differently-

Another truth that I had to tell myself was that:

I didn’t understand women very well.

My wife and I had different rules for love. Different rules for what being married meant, and different needs.

We certainly didn’t see eye to eye on lots of issues. Did talking about her version and my version of events with a couples counselor help us?

No! It only caused us to feel more separate and bitter.

When I solved these 2 real marriage issues, our relationship went from unhappy to amazing.

In my opinion, most people don’t need couples counseling. They need to be educated on what works and what doesn’t, and why.

They need simple skills, tools and strategies to have happy marriages that lasts forever.

That’s what I teach.

Reach out to me here if you want to solve these issues for good. I’d like to help you do that.

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot. 

Nothing is going to get better. It’s not. – Dr. Seuss

 

Why Love Can Be So Disappointing and What to Do

Why Love Can Be So Disappointing and What to Do

You probably already know the statistics:
– One person in every 3 couples is having an affair.
– US divorce rates hovering around 50%.
– 63% of second marriages and 72% of all third marriages fail.
These numbers don’t tell the real story of the couples who are simply
hanging out together unhappily.

Here’s the truth:

Love is the greatest Unmet Need

What people get from their partners is not what they really want.
It’s most often less than that.

Love is the greatest Unmet Expectation in marriage.

I expect you to love me this way…
It doesn’t happen.

Only one thing changes that;
A partner who is willing, and chooses to learn how to love you your way.

And that will not last unless you are also willing to choose to learn
how to love them the way they want you to.

That’s what I help people do.

That’s how unhappy marriages of 20 years can be transformed so quickly
that people can’t believe it.

I’ve helped hundreds of couples on the edge of divorce save their marriages.
And it is much easier than people think.

Are you willing to learn how your partner wants you to love them?
Are you willing to learn what deep caring looks like to them?

There is no greater gift to any marriage than the couple choosing
to give love to each other in alignment with what each partner wants.

There is nothing more fulfilling.

If you want that in your life, I can help you. Your partner has to want it too.

Let’s talk. Schedule a Rising Love Strategy Session with me here.

Are you ready to love?

How to Increase the 8 Elements of Intimacy

Married couples all want the same things; To be happy, feel deeply connected, shared affection, intimacy and passion, feel love, trust and great communication. Here’s what stops it from happening…

The Root Cause of Disappointing Marriages

Married couples all want the same things; To be happy, feel deeply connected, shared affection, intimacy and passion, feel love, trust and great communication. Here’s what stops it from happening…