It’s been an interesting 12 years of helping couples fix their marriages.

I’ve seen pretty much anything you could ever imagine times 3.

I’ve worked with swingers and swappers, open marriages, gay and lesbian relationships, and every type of physical and emotional affair possible.

The common themes are all the same:

• People don’t know what to do in order to have the love and intimacy they crave.
  
• They make simple mistakes frequently that sever the feelings of connection. That’s where the downhill spiral begins. And that’s what must change for things to get better.
  
• They have undisclosed expectations that of course remain unmet. This creates unhappiness and bitterness that builds up.
  
• They blame and finger point without realizing that they are active participants in the disconnect as well. Are you willing to shine the spotlight of truth on yourself?
  
• People often unknowingly bring their personal stress into each interaction adding a disconnecting wedge.
• There’s more….

1.   Who is more right
2.   And who is more important.

This Thanksgiving and through the Holidays do not try to solve any relationship problems on your own.

Do not get into heated discussions about what your partner isn’t doing for you. Stress levels are high enough. There’s no reason to add to it.

Here’s what to do instead:

• Make a decision to get help as soon as possible. With or without your partner.
  
• Do what you can to personally offset your own inner stress. Take care of you!
  
• Be kind to your partner. Be considerate of their stress levels.
  
• Choose to be as peaceful as possible. Creating additional pressure for them to change or ultimatums will backfire.