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If knowledge is power, then a lack of knowledge is a lack of power.
Why is love so hard for most people?
From my perspective working with struggling couples, it’s usually a lack of knowing what to do that allows intimacy and connection to drift silently away. What we don’t know is in fact hurting our most treasured relationships.
Whether we like it or not, we do model our relationship strategies from our parents and family members. You will ultimately have about the same level of day to day joy that your parents experienced with each other, unless you figure it out or get the right help.
Most people struggle. I was one of them until I finally figured it out. I got tired of the stress and strain.
Maybe you are tired too.
Here’s what you need to know that will help right away:
1. Tell Yourself the Truth– Are you bitter, feeling angry, hurt or carrying resentment towards your spouse? If you are, any of those things will prevent you from giving fully to the relationship. You may not realize it, but you are actually withholding love, compassion, understanding and the chemical energy the builds connection.
Since you are now being honest, what are you currently doing that is harmful to sustaining love and connection? The spotlight is being shined on YOU here, because things change when one person does something different.
Are you doing something that isn’t supportive or helpful to keeping love and connection alive in your relationship? Unless you are perfect, we all do things from time to time that result in a disconnect with our partners. We argue, defend ourselves unnecessarily, put the relationship last behind other priorities, get self- absorbed, and unintentionally neglect our partner…
Today, stop doing anything that is hurting the feelings of connection in the relationship.
2. Take 100% Responsibility– While it might seem logical to take 50% responsibility for the relationship, in my experience that’s a recipe for disaster. That usually means you are keeping score of what you did and they didn’t do. Are your efforts based on what you think your partner is or isn’t doing? Do you wait for them to go first because they owe you?
Decide today what you want your relationship to ultimately be like. What do you want the day to day interaction with your partner to feel like? What type of deep connection do you want to experience with them?
Have a clear Vision for the relationship and take 100% responsibility for making it real. Don’t wait for them. Own your vision and contribute fully to making it happen, because that will shift how they respond to you.
3. Be Courageous– Nothing great in your life will happen if you are living in fear. Afraid to give fully because it might not work, afraid of initiating connection because you fear being rejected, afraid of trying anything new because feeling stuck or numb isn’t really that bad…or so you think.
It takes courage to create something special. It takes courage to ignore the nonsense that other people tell you about relationships. It takes courage to dump your story about what your partner did or didn’t do. And it takes courage to create a deeply connected, loving relationship.
You can easily find twenty seconds of courage; to reach out to your partner, to be playful when you might not feel like it, to find humor where there might normally be upset, and to find compassion for whatever life stressors they might be under.
Your courage will make your vision real one step at a time.
Your relationship will always reflect what you do… and fail to do, so choose wisely.
Want even more knowledge and power to restore the connection and passion in your relationship? I cover EXACTLY what to do in my recorded presentation, “Unwrapping the Secrets of Happy Marriages”.
Check it out here.