We all have certain rules that run our lives. These rules dictate whether or not we can feel happy, or successful, or even loved. Some of these rules are designed for us to fail and we don’t even know it. Often we have unconsciously adopted rules that even make us feel bad. Can your rules be contributing to a feeling of not being good enough?
As you read this you will begin to understand that some of your rules prevent you from feeling good, and that if you change them, it will change everything.
Here’s an example:
What has to happen in order for you to feel successful? (Answers from a client feeling stressed and burnt out.)
I need to make at least $700,000/year and achieve a Sr.VP status in my company and live in a 5,500sq ft home. What else has to happen? I need to be acknowledged for my work. How often? At least 3x a month, and I have to be recognized by my boss as one of the best at least 4x a year. What else has to happen in order for you to feel successful? I have to have at least $5 million in savings. What else? I need to have a great relationship with my wife and she has to appreciate all the work I do. What else has to happen in order for you to feel successful? I have to be able to travel first class all the time, and stay in the best hotels. What else has to happen? I need to be in good physical shape, and drive the latest BMW.
These are just some of his primary rules for success. Do they make sense? Are they within his control? Are they making him feel good?
Your rules might be similar. Maybe the numbers are different and the things you need a little different, but you also might benefit greatly if you changed your rules.
Do his rules make it easy or hard for him to feel successful?
What if he isn’t acknowledged 3x a month for his work, and what if his wife doesn’t show appreciation for all the work he does? It’s likely that he will feel frustrated and unhappy. Far from what he wants to experience.
What if he doesn’t get the promotion that he wants, or because he is so busy he feels tired all the time and out of shape. Does he still feel successful?
Let’s make the rules easier. What if we changed the rules so that he would be able to feel successful all the time, and in complete control of his feeling successful? Is it even possible?
We create some new rules. (Rules he adopted)
Now what has to happen in order for you to feel successful? I need to be working daily on the things that are important to me. What else has to happen? I need to acknowledge and remember the effort that I am making towards the achievement of my goals. What else? I need to continue to grow and contribute to those around me. What else? I need to take care of me first so that I can contribute fully to my company and my family.
Do these rules make it easier for him to feel successful? Absolutely! He has total control over meeting each of these new rules. He is no longer at the mercy of someone else in order for him to feel successful. And there is a side benefit of increased confidence and a feeling of empowerment.
What are your rules for success? Do you feel successful right now?
What are your rules for feeling loved? Do you feel loved right now?
Maybe it’s time break your own rules. Now recreate them so you are in control of how you feel, and stop relying on others rules for meeting your needs. After all, how often is someone meeting your needs in the way that you want them met?
Like the song says; It’s a new dawn… it’s a new day,…and I’m feeling good!