Men want to be appreciated more than you think. Father’s day by itself is not really a big deal for most men if you ask us. However we are men, so don’t expect us to talk much about what we need, or how we feel about our needs. You already know that communicating with us at times can be difficult.
Here’s what I know to be true:
Men want more than anything to be shown appreciation by their wives and families. In my coaching practice, I hear over and over again that men don’t feel appreciated for their hard work and sacrifice to provide for the family. They feel it as an expectation that comes without acknowledgement for any of their efforts.
When men talk about it, they explain it as a feeling of resentment that they have toward their wives for taking them for granted. Men talk about working their asses off for years helping to build a future for the family often at a great personal sacrifice without recognition. This expectation to provide exists even when their wives also work and make just as much or more money.
Of course women feel unappreciated as well, but for this particular article we are going to focus on men and what they need. Men won’t talk to you about it, and rarely will talk to even their closest friends about how they are feeling. Mostly we don’t do that very well.
Father’s Day is a culmination event that often represents a perceived standard of appreciation, or lack of appreciation that men experience in their lives.
Here’s what’s real:
There’s a popular website for married people to seek out affairs. There’s no reason for me to name the website, so I won’t. The top day that men sign up to become new members by five times the normal rate is the day after Father’s Day. That’s right, 5 times the normal sign up rate. Why would men pick that particular day? Because the day reminds men of how significant they have been made to feel as the Man, the Husband, and the Dad in the house.
It’s not only about this day. Women can’t neglect the man’s need to feel important all year long, and make it up in a day. This feeling of being unappreciated overall has become a pivotal moment (or BS excuse, depending on your perspective) on this day.
Men and women often struggle to understand and meet each others needs. More than likely you have personal experience about this. On this day, in some special way, give your man the appreciation and recognition that he needs, even if he says he doesn’t want to do, or receive anything special.
We men want to be your hero, but we screw up, because we are only men, not always the knights in shining armor that women want, and expect us to be.
Tell your man how much you appreciate him and how much you respect what he does for you and the family. Find the place beneath any hurt or disappointment that you might feel that was caused from his shortcomings. Give him what he needs the most from you anyway.
It might create a connection where one no longer exists. It might expand and deepen an existing connection. It might shift something in your relationship that needs to be shifted. It might demonstrate to your children how important Dad really is. It might even make you feel good because you gave him what he needed from you the most.