By far the biggest complaint I hear from couples is that they no longer feel intimately connected with each other.
This creates real and often devastating consequences.
- Give your partner more focused attention. Put down the phones and remotes and truly see them when you talk with them. Give them the value and appreciation they deserve.
- Tell your partner specifically what you admire in them. Why are you proud of them? What are you grateful for about them?
- Initiate the repair of any misunderstandings without getting into details of why you might have said or done this or that. Simply own your part in any disconnect and apologize. It could be as simple as “Hey, I just want you to know that I’m really sorry for my part yesterday. I love you.”
Here’s where you can go wrong:
- You think you are paying attention, but you are not totally present for them. If you fake it, they will know. You are waiting for them to value and appreciate you. Go first.
- Don’t bother saying anything complimentary if you don’t believe it or feel it. They will know what’s real and what’s not. Be prepared. Say exactly why you are proud, or what you are grateful for.
- Do not apologize to get an apology back. Focus on doing your part only and be perfectly Ok if they don’t own their responsibility right away.
Get the help you need.
- It’s hard to have the perspective needed to see the real issues between you. People waste time chasing symptoms instead. And trying to resolve issues on your own can make them worse.
- You are limited by what you know. It’s what you don’t know that will transform your marriage.
- Larger issues that cause bitterness and resentment cannot be resolved without outside help. There are too many emotions involved for you to be effective.
Reach out to me.
The marriage that you want and deserve may be much closer than you think.
Most relationship problems can be repaired in short time frames. I know, because I have helped hundreds of couples restore intimacy, improve communication, rebuild trust, and resolve their conflicts.
And most of those couples found me after failed couples counseling. Doing nothing, or waiting and hoping for your situation improve, is not a strategy for success.
You and your partner deserve a chance for real happiness together.
Talk with me. I will give you my thoughts on how to repair your situation without obligation.
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