When I first met my wife, the chemistry and connection was off the charts.
Then shortly after we were married, we began arguing more and more. At times it seemed like we weren’t on the same page about anything. I thought it was mostly her fault because she was just being stubborn and difficult.
Was I ever wrong…
I have made lots of mistakes in my marriage over the years, but it was these 3 things caused me the most trouble:
- Not making our connection the priority – It’s easy not to make your marriage a priority because of obligations, work responsibilities and simply not understanding how important that really is.
And keeping the FEELING of connection with your spouse as a priority in the marriage is the most misunderstood and underestimated aspect of true marriage success.
Early on in my marriage I wanted to be more right than my wife when we disagreed. I also made myself out to be more important than her and the relationship;
What about me? What isn’t she doing for me? What’s wrong with her? What am I getting and not getting from her? All of these things created disconnect. Anytime I was only focused on me, we became more separate.
- Not understanding what was needed from me. Because I was focused more on what I was or wasn’t getting, my willingness to give was sometimes based on feeling resentful or bitter. So when I felt that way I was giving very little. Of course that always made things worse.
There were other times I wanted to defend myself or give her advice, when all she ever wanted me to do was listen. I misunderstood that her emotions and tone directed at me were simply requests for me to give her more of my presence and attention.
Defending myself always made things worse.
- Not being clear about what I wanted. I originally thought that the marriage would be on auto-pilot, and that our relationship would always be good without giving it any more thought than just that.
I had no vision for our marriage. And because I wasn’t clear about what I wanted our life to be about together, and how I wanted to feel when I was with her, I often got caught up in the day to day stressor of the moment.
That kept us stuck in arguing about tiny insignificant things that I can’t even remember.
While I clearly remember our biggest escalating argument from many years ago, I have no idea what it was about. That’s a good indication that an argument that could have ended our marriage was about something small and unimportant.
What actually happens is that lots of little things get stacked on top of each other, and then that last thing is the straw that breaks the back of your connection.
When I finally got fed-up with being stressed out and unhappy was the moment that our marriage began to get better. I figured out how to our deep connection and chemistry back by fixing those 3 Mistakes. Now I help couples all over the world re-ignite their love and passion for each other.
Read my book The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle to learn more helpful strategies that you can implement right away.
Reflect on your marriage happiness for a moment.
Turn your thoughts inward and think about how deeply connected you FEEL with your spouse. Is that good enough for you?
Now imagine that it never gets any better.
Is that the way you want to continue to live?
How many more days will you continue to allow your marriage to struggle? How is it ever going to stop? If you don’t take some corrective action you’ll inevitably regret it.
If you are fed up, and don’t want to spend another day walking on egg shells around your partner, talk with me.
I have helped hundreds of couples resolve their conflicts and bring deeply connected intimacy back into their marriages. And that is the real key to successful couple communication.
I work with couples in person and all over the world by Skype.
Visit http://www.90minutemarriagemiracle.com/ Sign up for your Free PEAK Relationship Consultation. You’ll get my direct input on your situation and how to repair it.